Author Topic: My sister is in denial about her debt problems  (Read 989 times)


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My sister is in denial about her debt problems
« on: Mar 11, 2010, 08:20:10 PM »

My younger sister has got many problems in her life mainly brought on by the fact that she has a drinking problem.  Her husband divorced her last year after 24 years of marriage.   She is still living in the family house which is up for sale.  She does not contribute towards the mortgage (and never has) and has up until the last couple of months had the rates, electricity, gas, water and tv licence paid for by her ex-husband.  She has one daughter living with her who is 19 and goes to college and her daughter's boyfriend who doesn't really do anything. 

A letter was found by her daughter informing my sister that the bailiffs were coming round if they didn't hear from her by 10.30am yesterday.  She told her daughter that she had contacted them and everything was ok.  Her eldest daughter called the bailiffs to be told that they had not heard from her but seeing as she had contacted them they would postpone their visit for 14 days.  They also said that my sister would have to contact them and they would not speak to anyone else. 

My sister has switched her phone off and gone to bed with a drink probably thinking everything will be ok in the morning!   

My sister often burns the letters from the bank and other lenders. She just will not deal with it or cannot deal with it.  The biggest problem is, she won't let anyone else help her deal with it.  If we were to help her pay this debt off tomorrow there would be another one and that is how it has been for many years now.  Her ex-husband has done all he can and can't carry on bailing her out.  Neither can the rest of us.  Has anyone out there got any advise as to how we should handle this problem or who we can go to help sort it out.



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Re: My sister is in denial about her debt problems
« Reply #1 on: Mar 12, 2010, 11:35:50 AM »
This is a tough reply to have to write. And it may make me look callous and uncaring, but in fact I believe it is the only valid advice to give.
You have to allow her to dig the hole. A lot of people do not realise the hole is there until it is so deep they have no way out. Unfortunately it is this painful realisation that causes action. I call it the ostrich approach.
Every time you help her, and every time you give her money, you allow her to escape responsibility. There is always someone bailing her out of the situation and therefore she has been taught by social programming that if she ignores a problem it will sort itself out.

In reality, it's not life that  sorts the problem out... It's you.
On a good note, when she does finally realise that there is an issue that needs resolving, there is a solution to every problem. But... before she finds an answer, she needs to pose the question and while you keep helping her.... She will never ask.
I hope this helps
Best of luck!!!
Raphael Gilbert
Head of Insolvency Divison www.ban